What I've Got, and What I Want

What have I got?

I’ve got a nice house, with a large back yard. Been here for 17 years.

I’ve got a job that pays pretty well, even if it is a pain in the ass much of the time.

I’ve got a wife of 23 years, kids and step-kids (all grown), as well as step-grandkids.

I have sex with my wife, for the most part whenever I want to.

I should be happy. Right?

But I’m not happy. A huge part of sex, for me, is the need to feel wanted, but it’s my impression that my wife is mearly tolerating my advances. Every time we do it anymore, I’m the one who initiates it. She seems to put some effort into it once I start, but not a whole lot, and it’s a far cry from what I would call enthusiastic.

Most disappointing of all is my unrequited and unappreciated oral fixation. I could eat her pussy until the cows come home, and have on numerous occasions. But even though I have brought her to orgasm (as far as I could tell), she seems indifferent to my having done so in that particular way. She never asks or begs me to do it; nor does she ever thank me, tell me I did well, or say anything about how I might do better. For the record, I am completely open to her requests or advice, if she ever had any. Frankly, she is not at all comfortable talking about sex. (More about that in another post.)

And she has never, ever given me a complete blow job. (Being that she is the only woman I’ve had sex with, that means I’ve never had a completed blow job, period.) Oh, she consents to take my cock into her mouth at my urging, and suck it for a while, but nearly all of her efforts seem to be misdirected at keeping me from actually getting anywhere. Most of the time she barely takes more than the head of my cock in, and she applies such little pressure that I really don’t feel much of anything. Occasionally, she actually does do better, taking me a bit further in and making me feel it, but as soon as she gets a hint of the effect she’s having on me, she backs off. Sooner or later, one of us has had enough and we switch to something else.

This is a far cry from the sex life I want. I want to be wanted, and to me, an enthusiastic, completed blow job is the epitome of being wanted by a woman. This is the crux of the matter: I want a woman to want me so much that she will try to the best of her ability to deep throat me (it is acknowledged she might not achieve it); she will crave having me cum in her mouth and be disappointed if I don’t; and she will hungrily swallow all of my load every time, not wanting to waste a single precious drop.

That doesn’t make me a bad person, does it?

I have read in some sex advice articles (more on them in another post) that deep throating is not important. I disagree, for two reasons. First, from what little experience my wife permits me, I can say without a doubt that even though she doesn’t come close to deep throating me, the further she has taken my cock into her mouth, the better it has felt for me, and the closer it has brought me to orgasm.

Then, of course, that’s her cue to back off.

Second, from a psychological standpoint, it would go one thousand percent further toward reinforcing a feeling of being truly wanted.

I have also read in some articles that wrapping a hand around that part of the cock which is not in the mouth is an effective substitute for deep throating. Not so for me. My wife does sometimes use a hand, but it doesn’t even come close to approximating the sensation of her lips and tongue against the sides of my cock, when I actually get to feel them. And again, it would tell me she is not as serious about wanting me as if she was making the effort to draw me into her throat, or at least significantly further into her mouth.

Another thing I’ve sometimes read is that cumming in the mouth and being swallowed aren’t important; that reaching orgasm should be sufficient. I call bullshit on that. They are certainly important to me. To begin with, the male organ instinctively and desperately wants to be further inside whatever it is penetrating at the moment of orgasm (which is not to suggest I’m advocating for men to thrust freely without the woman’s consent, of course). It most definitely does not want to be taken out.

Also, not to beat the desire to be wanted to death, but I can’t imagine anything saying “I want you” to a guy more than having a woman look into his eyes with longing as she swallows his seed.

And really, is it asking so much?

Questions? Comments?

Offers of blow jobs? :-)